Lack of Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem.

I believe all emotional problems stem from a basic loss of confidence and self-esteem. Unhappiness can arise out of something circumstantial recently or be much more deep rooted than that, often from childhood. It is vital in the counselling relationship that you feel safe so you can be guided through what can be painful territory. Feelings you may never have shared with anyone before. If these life affecting circumstances or trauma aren’t examined the mood just deteriorates and festers until breakdown eventually occurs. We all need to be listened to and ideally in a discreet and totally confidential environment. Life can be incredibly difficult for us all but some of us cope better than others. Feeling happier in your own skin and mind is the way forward.

So often we keep making the same mistakes in relationships, almost unknowingly because that is the way we have been programmed – usually from childhood. Negative repeat behaviour is understandable and can be passed down through the generations.

A combination of person centred and cognitive behavioural therapy

I work in a slightly different way to other Counsellors in that I don’t think long drawn out (over 14) sessions gain in effectiveness as time goes on. Although my training was integrative, I have enough evidence through my work to believe in a combination of person centred (talking therapy) and cognitive behavioural therapy ( a more structured method). PCT gives the client the space and time to go over causes of unhappiness covering their lives and working through history. CBT, on the other hand is the 2nd stage of treatment which empowers the client by receiving skills that can be used in the future as well as dealing with the original presenting issue.

Causes of low self-esteem

Your early environment and influences can have a major effect on how your confidence has developed throughout your early life – along with the type of person you are and the strength of your ego. Children who have been unable to have their needs understood usually retain the habit. This causes the roots of dysfunction that follow you all through your life. This in turn creates a huge pressure on you to somehow ‘pretend’ socially that you are the person you would like to be whilst harbouring huge feelings of failure and self-consciousness.

What you can do about low self-confidence

By unconditional positive regard for you from your therapist. Starting with a clean sheet if you like. You have to start to understand the setbacks before they take you over. As human beings we are quite flexible and all the distortion can slowly be turned around i.e. with CBT. Being aware of why you get a negative thought in the first place, then intercepting it with recognition of the old ways of thinking before it becomes an overpowering feeling. These ‘bad’ feelings very soon become behaviours and patterns that confirm the ‘useless’ way you believe you are. If your setbacks and lack of self-worth are recurring and feel insurmountable then it may well be worth seeing a counsellor.